I d always considered myself a fairly non judgemental , placid ( that might be pushing it ) , easy going , tolerant person ....obviously these were thoughts about myself , no doubt My family and close friends would probably disagree , I don't know they ve never dared tell me lol ....... seriously though everyone considers themselves to be tolerant , anti sexist , anti racist etc etc whereas in reality not everyone is.
If that were the case then apartheid would never have existed , millions of jews wouldn't have died in the war etc etc , there wouldn't have been such fuss when Black Lives Matter hit the news with the huge outcry saying it should be ALL LIVES MATTER - well of course all lives matter but what they were trying to get through to the infernally dim was that BLACK LIVES SHOULD MATTER just as much any other persons life .... , women would be on the same level of wages as men , treated with respect in all countries and not as second class citizens .Luckily I have a group of amazing male friends who are ' enlightened ' and realise a woman's worth is no more or less than a man's but equal and just as valid.
Sadly I have noticed this in my years of gigging . Most of the bands I play in are usually all male musicians aside from the odd one or two - Wild Willy Barrett's Roaring Touring and when I play in the Duo with Bella . Aside from that all men - I don't have a problem with that in any way shape or form , but what I do have a problem with is when I turn up for a gig maybe having organised and corresponded with the venue beforehand, then when arriving at the venue the organiser will pretty much address one of my male counterparts and not Me assuming that the " man " organised it all etc .It may sound silly and petulant but the sexism is often not even realised and certainly no offence intended towards myself ...its just' THERE' lurking insidiously in the background. Maybe I should step up and say to the organiser ' excuse me but could you speak to me , I am the one who organised this gig etc ' but its a fine line being a musician , you want repeat gigs and don't want to alienate anyone before you even start so you keep quiet.I myself then am also to blame for perpetuating the sexism by not speaking up , by not making my voice heard....hmmm that's something I need to address obviously.
Something else I need to address is how I m clearly not ' non judgemental ' ........
Why is it whenever I see a car with a personalised number plate , I immediately think ' loser' .....I know plenty of friends with said number plates and they are anything but losers - lovely amazing clever people ....so why do I think that ....its almost a visceral response and one I m not proud of , yet when I see things like this I have a knee jerk reaction .....
Is it because it feels like they are deliberately drawing attention to themselves 'LOOK AT ME LOOK AT MY SHINY CAR " .... so what if they are ? Is it any difference than me taking selfies of myself singing or posing and posting them online , I want people to react , I want people to say ' hey cool photo , cool song ' , if I didn't I wouldn't post it in the first place.Do we all want that little bit of recognition , do we all want to be noticed in some way or another .... For me its singing and performing , for others it may be through art or poetry or whatever it may be - for some its having a certain personality or point of view , but do we all want to be acknowledged , validated to be recognised and seen .I don't mean that in a ' I want to be famous kinda way ' but in a recognising a fellow human being for their worth , that they are important even tho they might not be famous or rich or be able to sing or write a book but recognised for being here on this earth at the same time and living their life the best they can .I d like to think everyone was trying to be the best of themselves but sadly that's not always the case . I have a lot of work to do on myself I know that for a fact .I will try and be less judgemental , I will do my very best to be more tolerant .
I will finish with this - I have seen a car around Cardiff with the number plate VAJ 1 - The owner likes it so at the end of the day - who cares - its nothing to do with me .